A Brief History of Our Time with Jasmine


Jasmine the Cat (b.Unk – d.2013?) entered our lives in the year 2000 through what we later determined must have been a rift in the fabric of space and time.  Like the flicker of a fluorescent light, she blinked into existence near a freshly opened tuna can, the contents of which until that point were destined for a lunch salad.  She declared dominion over the household, whose sole occupant at the time was an American soldier stationed in South Korea.  The soldier, vaguely understanding the uniqueness of the cat which had secured his employment, gave her the tuna, thus beginning her brief but eventful presence in our lives.

Observers noted her unique abilities when she demonstrated her martial arts skill through participation in weekly gladiatorial combat events with other peer-felines in the greater Osan-Pyongtaek, South Korea region.  During this time, she found and lost her one true love, Wapu the Dog, who, despite their difference both in temperament and species showed Jasmine that love can cross any boundary.

She left Korea in 2005 with her newly acquired minion, Vanessa the Cat, and made a life for herself as master of a four-cat household in Glen Burnie, Maryland. This was the time of her famous confrontations with the infamous Asbury Brothers, Sammy and Charlie, both of whom made numerous attempts to usurp her position as top-cat.  Her major feat of domination during this time was the prolonged period during which she prevented Charlie the Cat from using the kitty litter box, forcing him to take a trip to the veterinarian for an “irrigation” procedure.

Hearing her nation’s call, Jasmine volunteered and deployed two times to Baghdad, Iraq.  Her time spent in combat earned her wide recognition within certain specialized circles of the U.S. Army, and are now the stuff of legend.

Her active lifestyle, anger management issues, and love of food eventually led to her diagnosis with diabetes, forcing her to slow down her pace of life and take on a more senior and advisory role within her family, and the community at large.  Fearing that her sedentary lifestyle would inhibit her ability to engage fully with the world in which she had become so influential, she faked her death in 2013, and left to parts unknown.  Words of her trials and adventures can be heard from time to time on the local and national news, but always in a way that can never be directly attributable to her personal involvement.

D.M.

 

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